~*♠ AmbEr riVer deEp iN KaleIdoScopE ♠*~

到底我拿的是怎样的一牌?!

到底我带的是怎样的一张面具去演绎出叫“我”的戏?!

或许夜深人静时，才会有真正的“我”出现…

演着流泪的戏码…

是梦醒了还是沉睡了?!

有时，配角串位当了“我”的导演…

隔夜凉了的汤喝入胃会是什么滋味?!

大家都在装…

为了圆场结束…

大家都在装…

圆了场以后，还会再装吗?

无声的抗议…

为我带来了什么?!

我不想吃饭

也许生气真的会饱…

也许失望不会让我摄取更多水分…

当委屈与愤怒不能平衡天平时，是谁会取代理智?!

之后又会发生什么事呢?!

What happended to me?

I’m so angry… deep in my heart I wish I can shout it all out…

Why am I here?!

To be a slave of the circle of life?!

Or to be an entertainer to other?!

Why problems always popping out?

Why am I here?!

When will I be able to find a place that is free from danger?

Why do I have to let other people decide my life?!

Why other people have the power to decide my life?!

Why I always stumble?!

Hope or Pain?!

Is my soul dead from the moment I was born?!

Why am I always depressing?!

Why I get sick?

Why am I always so lack of something?!

Do I ever Walking Proud again?!

眺めているだけじゃ

いつまでも手に出来ない

眺めているだけじゃ

君の物にはならない

如果只是看着

永远都无法得到

如果只是看着

无法成为你的东西

心悸。。。 每当听到这首歌的时候。。。

我很彷徨，身边的朋友都已经去深造快半年了，而我还在原地踏步。。。

我好像迷路了。。。

明明分坚持。。。很清晰

但又。。。

我开始分不清了。。。

梦想真的能实现吗?!

要把小提琴学好，我想要钢琴。。。弹肖邦，莫扎特，贝多芬。。。

我想要竖琴每天都能听到它的声音。。。

我想要学日语。。。我想咬一口流利的英国腔英文。。。我想把发语学好说一口正统的中国腔。。。

我想要有未来。。。我想飞去英国。。。

我想要不一样的我。。。跟现在不一样的我。。。

但为什么，现在的我如此潦倒失败？！我不明白!!

从小到大，我从来没有让自己骄傲过。。。

我的成绩永远都是倒数的。。。

用时候会问自己是不是智障？！

为何我走的路这样冤枉？！

从初中四开始，被老师逼拿 Sains Sukan 就这样无可反抗的读了两年冤枉的Sains Sukan 。。。

该死的Sains Sukan 读了=没读 ！！！

现在用也用不着。。。

悔不当初。。。没拿 Prinsip Akaun ，现在科到用时方很少。。。

好不容易，呕心沥血来到了中六，

因为学校里拿数学的人数少得可怜，猫仔几只。。。

所以校方决定把我们编排去拿Geografi。。。

跟中四一样,geografi也是废的！就算拿到B 又怎样？还不是用不着？！

想要拿Accountancy 却没有 Prinsip Akaun 底，被拒于几乎所有大学门外。。。

这种感觉真不好受。。。

眺めているだけじゃ

いつまでも手に出来ない

眺めているだけじゃ

君の物にはならない

回首这首歌。。。

我并不是什么都不做而是我好像什么都不能做。。。

This afternoon after had our lunch, my dad and I head home.

When we reach a junction at the main road near Kg Paya hall, my dad suddenly said something in delight mood.

“Look! JT 8326 that is my first car!”

It is an old Toyota Corolla, 76’ version one. White in color…but now is a bit yellowish white.

I fell surprise, I guess my dad feel the same way as I do…

You know the feeling is like meeting an old friend unexpectedly … Hey! What a coincidence… !!!

My dad said he first brought this car is in 1983.

After all this years…thought the car had been sold to other people but … When u know that the car u treasured and used before still in good condition you feel happy to know that the car belongs to a person that know how to take good care of it…

Remember part 2?! Well! Things keep going on…..

Now, the children next door are even more selfish and done something unpleasant! OK! Today is hari raya second day(public holiday) .When my dad open the backyard door to cut out the grass… I saw something that really annoyed me when I walk out the door… Can u guess what is it?!

Tah-dah~  Is the burn out fireworks sticks…. Which they play during midnight while they are burning the trash….

I’m like…. @%$*@#*^$% … when I saw it…

I s this the way we teach our children or our comimg generation?! Is this our culture as Malaysian?!

Then, what’s the meaning that we have to fasting the whole month in bulan Ramahdan?

Aren’t we suppose to do good things and and be helpful to other for the coming years?

This movie is already down to town, everyone is talking bout how awesome is it so in order to ease my curiosity, I borrow it from cousin, Angela and watch it….

Here is a bit review bout the movie…

First of all, I think the plot of the movie is not original, is not something new….what I mean is u can find the same story in other movie too…. Like <<The Time Machine>>

Things like turning back time or time travel….

Is very usual and nothing extraordinary…..

But, there something that really impress me….is that the way Jay Chou play the pianos with the main actress…..

And when he having “piano battle” with the Rain- the piano prince….

Oh my God, his fingers movement are so horrible…

Beside the techniques of playing… inside the movie got a lot of famous composes from well-known musicians such as Chopin….the rhythms are so overwhelming and it really “kill” me… That is so brilliant of Jay Chou use those inside him creation….

I wander how much time and money plus effort that he invested in his hand…. Well he plays like crazy….haha I wish I could play like him….Hahah what a lame wish …the way I play is like cripple ….one word —-LAME!!!

One more, I love the antique piano that place inside the music hall…is very unique…

As you can see, I fell in love with the songs already….so the other say I online to check out information bout the soundtracks …

Surprise! I found a <<SECRET>> piano score book but the price …. RM65+++….

Then I found the CD in Ebay… the price?! Make me gawk….. RM 120++

Sign~

Since I very broke now….my wish to have it already fade away …

 

Oh my God!!! Yesterday was the first day of hari raya….and my

"new nice neigbour" keep burning things at his backyard…..

This so fastrating!!! cos they keep burning trash almost everyday!!!

like 5-6 times a week during the nighttime …. which every one need some peace in mind and body after a long day of work!!!

This is so treating my health and my lungs….. i mean my respiratory system…. i almost can’t breath!!!

i’m chocking for air!!! Do u know what they burn every night?!

ANSWER= Polyform, plastics, and , cloth and some left over….

Can u imagine almost every night…. and the smell of burning plastics… filling ur bedroom and u still have to sleep in it ? When u switch on the air-corn or the fan the smell still can’t get away THIS easily?! And u oso can’t open the windows cos the smell and the smoke is all outside !!!

Oh !!!

Today is the forth of final year test….
wake up early and mark papers so …..
reach school a bit earlier then tomoro, due to my class is non stop till after recess…
so i go pick up the papers for class 3(1) up stair….( the exam paper room).
then went to my class 5B…..
after that class, i went to 3(1) and when i reach that class i hurry pass the paper to them to start cos is a bit late already….
" Teacher we already finish exam this paper jus now…..Why u still give us this paper?"

WOW!!! Trillion butterflies flying insede my stomach !!!!
And i’m in trouble again….. some body please help me……

I quickly run to the exam paper room to get the right one….
During the attending the class i am so sad and worry…
WORRY get scold…..
SAD b’cos y am so clumsy every time? when will i curb this bad habite? i am already 20 and when i will grow up and never make mistakes?
Thank God! in the end i din get scold…..

But at the same time i can feel there still things and problems dat are coming for me to face….
especially the pendidikan sivik……cos i am the teacher in charge to prepare the questions…..
I m so stupid…. always cant do things right…..

Wow my beloved bro finally create a group in friendster le……
Evolution……

more advance than me….
oh i feel like an old lady….
but vy happy i’m the first member in that group….
is an honour …..
my pleasure!!!

Second semester started already in TARC….
he also quite exhausted….(8am-6pm)
we both like a robot machine….
working to fight for our future….
No matter what….

Hope that one day he can be a pilot……